Unfortunately, there are some people around who are toxic. Many of us end up befriending a toxic person at one time or another, even going so far as to marry them occasionally. They usually cannot tell that they are negatively affecting those around them. Rarely, people will call them on their behaviors and effect a positive change. Most of the time, however, they will continue living without a clue as to how badly they are acting.

If you are concerned you may be a toxic friend, then this is the guide to read. I will talk about how to tell if you are toxic and also how to change.

Let’s begin with a definition. A toxic friend is one who drags down the people around them. They act negatively, and cause others to follow their behaviors. They are those who feel like psychic vampires: sucking the energy out of the room, they manage to bring down those around them.

Are you a toxic friend?

Do you…

• Judge others constantly, always assessing them as beneath you, including your friends?
• See the worst in others and fail to see any good whatsoever?
• Talk down yourself in the hopes others will give you positive attention?
• Manipulate others into doing actions they would not normally do, that will ultimately hurt them directly or indirectly?
• Hurt others by criticizing them, without providing a constructive reason for it?

If you answered yes to two or more of these, you may be a toxic friend.

How to change

If you have been ruled toxic by your own admittance, you have already complete the first step: awareness. You have now become aware of your own actions. Carry this step onward with you. Every time you do something, ask yourself something: Am I hurting somebody by doing this? If the answer is yes, I advise not doing it.

Another requirement to creating a change is to make a conscious effort to do something differently. That’s what change is: doing something differently. Commit yourself to becoming a better friend: one who will support others, be a positive influence, and live according to guiding principles that lead to a happy and kind life.

Always try to do for others what you want them to do for you. Never become greedy or manipulative. Periodically, review what you have done for others over the last week, month, or year. Ask yourself if you have given as much as you have taken. If you have, then you are on the right track. Become more selfless, although getting a benefit from altruistic actions is perfectly acceptable.

Once you have become aware and work on changing your actions, I guarantee you will see a positive change in your life. Others will begin to respect and enjoy being around you. They will know that you are looking out for their best interests. You will become a better person.

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Dedication

It takes dedication to be a balanced person. When obstacles come, one must keep persevering no matter what happens. One must know where he or she is heading, know why he or she is heading there, and how to get there.

Motivation

To reach this goal, one must be able to continue along the path at all times. No breaks and no exceptions.

Help

Regardless of how well-off one is, at some time, we all need help, whether from another person or not. We must know where to look for it and how to accept it, or else we will fail. Also required is the knowledge and ability to decide which person to select for help, and who is trustworthy enough.

Set the goal to be balanced, take the right steps toward it, and you will eventually get there. Whether or not you think you can, you are right. And no matter what happens, I want you all to continue along your paths, even if it hurts.

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In adopting a new lifestyle, we also shed old activities and adopt new ones. Taking from Stephen Covey’s self-help series, I am here to address the six habits of balanced people – what they do daily to strive for their goals and maintain a happy and healthy life.

They plan ahead

Balanced people know where they are going and where they have come from. They can tell you where they will be in twenty years with the strongest conviction you have ever seen. They have goals and everything they do is a step toward one or another.

They are motivated

They know where to find motivation and how important it is to their success. They never have writers’ block because they can write about anything and everything. They want to succeed and they do, because they have the skills and knowledge necessary to accomplish anything. Those they do not already possess they will learn.

They learn daily

They are constantly on a question for personal development and growth and every day, they accomplish or work on mastering something, even if it’s as small as plucking a few keys on the piano. They keep moving because they know idle hands are not productive. Even their down time means something to them, keeping busy by being laid back and calming down after a long working period.

They are patient

They know that good things come to those who work and wait. They strive for goals, but they know that instant gratification is only another way to become a glutton. You can throw any wait at them and there they will sit, perhaps accomplishing something or another in the mean time, perhaps meditating. Either way, they can and will wait for anything good to come.

They work while they wait

Whether waiting for a bus or waiting for an opportunity to open, they know there are things to be accomplished. They work on these things while they wait patiently for whatever it is they need to move along to the next step. Balanced, successful people are those you see reading books at bus stops, organizing the kitchen while they bake, and meditating when the electricity goes out.

They are organized

Not only are their homes simple and free of clutter, but their minds are, as well. They do everything with a purpose and ensure their steps are always in the right direction. Remember: reaching success is not about who takes the most steps, but rather who steps with the most accuracy.

While not everybody will reach a balanced lifestyle – few people will ever even try with reasonable effort – many can learn from those who set a positive example. It is possible to learn by observation, and that is what should be done in this situation. You do not have to seek out a Yogi, but do have a few positive examples in your life of how you want to live. Good luck, as always.

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The short answer, in my opinion, is possibly yes. I do not think people of any particular religion would be unable to live balanced lives, but I do think certain religions emphasize it more than others, which means Christians may go their entire lives without even realizing the necessity or blessing of it.

Meanwhile, Buddhism very much emphasizes everything being in moderation and the dangers of having anything out of whack – it leads to trouble and suffering. So while a Christian may have just as easy a time, they may never know it exists.

But for somebody who knows what balance means and is struggling to reach it, I do not think religion has an effect. Perhaps some teachings would be especially helpful, but they are common to all religions, like many other things.

Do you think religion matters when you are trying to reach Enlightenment? We all have different words for it and different ideas of how to get there, but I think it is meant to be different for all – the state of unconditional joy is a reachable goal for all, not just those who receive happiness from certain things.

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According to popular psychology, there are nine types of intelligence and people can be people-smart, music-smart, language-smart, and more. In Ancient Greece, people commonly learned everything from philosophy to exercise. Any businessperson will tell you EQ is just as important as IQ for networking. But what are the nine types of intelligence, and how do they fit with everything in the scope of a balanced life? Find out more after the jump.

Naturalist intelligence

The first type of intelligence is that having to do with nature. This doesn’t necessarily mean hippies living in communes to save the whales. Rather, it has to do with the ability to discern among things in the environment. A person with a naturalist intelligence has a strong intuition and is typically judgmental. They sense danger.

A person with this kind of intuition can tell when things are not quite right, which means they have a special gift for balance: they know when changes must be made, and often what those changes are.

Musical intelligence

The second type of intelligence is of a musical nature. These folks can read things like tone and rhythm. They can hear things other do not recognize or process. Their gift comes with metabolism and sleeping patterns; if their bodies get out of whack, they know, as nature can be explained by a series of patterns and numbers. They are also typically quite good at math.

Logical-Mathematical intelligence

The third type is in analytical and critical thinking. These people read relationships between two things very well, but are born with the inherent knowledge that correlation does not prove causation. They are logical, smart, and very critical of facts and figures. They will rarely lose power to their emotions, rather yielding to the powerful logic that drives them.

Existential intelligence

Fourth, like Kierkegaard, these folks can question everything, even down to the fundamental meaning of human existence. They know what balance truly is, why they should or should not strive for it, and can out-talk anybody. They are, unfortunately, often negative.

Interpersonal intelligence

Perhaps the most relevant blessing to a businessperson is the fifth type, interpersonal intelligence, which allows a person to engage with and relate to just about anybody. These people can read emotions and fake them, talk for miles and ask a question for every answer, and sell icicles to Eskimos. They also typically know themselves by getting to know others, and can often tell you why they are doing anything and then convince you to “do as I say, not as I do.”

Bodily-Kinesthetic intelligence

These sixth-type people are the ones you will find with impeccable balance and perfect strength. They know nutrition, have a strong desire to exercise, and can tell you five ways to do the perfect push-up. They can manipulate any physical object and are excellent with their hands. While they have physical balance, their lives can become out of whack if they do not get the exercise they need.

Linguistic intelligence

The seventh type of intelligence is that of words and language. Often excellent writers, linguistic-gifted folks have the talent of understanding and explaining even the most complex things through words. This is the most common type of intelligence.

Spatial intelligence

The eighth type of person is gifted with the ability to think in three dimensions. They can be great engineers, an often high-paying job, in which they will rarely worry about money, which can be a major hindrance to living a happy and fulfilling life.

Intrapersonal intelligence

Finally, intrapersonal intelligence is the ability of knowing oneself. It is the most important gift to have in a balanced life, because it tells you when something is wrong and what needs to happen. Often, this talent brings on shyness or quietness, with hours spent introspectively analyzing every detail of oneself.

Applications

The types of intelligence are not exclusive, and one can be gifted in many ways. Indeed, according to the Greeks, we are meant to strive to cover all areas equally. While some may come naturally, others will, of course, be a struggle which feels like an uphill battle at times. Not to worry, though. Balance is not meant to be an end, but rather a journey. All that matters at the end is that you have tried to keep positive, engaged, and fulfilled, and grown every step along the way.

What are your natural strengths? How have you used them to save yourself work along your path of achieving healthy, balanced living? Share in the comments below.

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Image by Pink Sherbet Photography via Flickr

The main goal of this blog is to teach small business owners working from home and college students alike the art of living balanced lives. Personally, I define living balanced as being happy with progress and continuing personal growth without limiting or becoming obsessed with professional growth.

A balanced person is automatically a true Renaissance man or woman: art, history, literature, science, and mathematics are an important part of life on a daily basis, though not necessarily in traditional forms. Balancing a checkbook counts as math, for example, and reading the news will suffice for historic value.

Balance is less affected by what you do and more by how you do it. A balanced person knows the secret of all things in moderation and can tell you anything you want to know, both tactfully and honestly.

A balanced person is miles closer to Enlightenment, Nirvana, or Heaven, or whatever you wish to call it, than all others, because he or she knows where to look while we stumble around confused and misguided.

And that is why I strive every day to live a balanced life. With balance comes fulfillment. With fulfillment comes happiness. With happiness comes progress. With progress comes inspiration. And, finally, with inspiration comes balance.

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